So yea, where are all the smiles?
Where are all the fun , annoyinq and disturbive characteristic had qone to?
Where had all the self encouraqments and beliefs went to?
Where had the cheery and bubbly cheeky smiles went to?

She seriously had no idea. But
she will find it back , infact show more of it .


SP1's finally over.


I only can say screw it . Presentation was
a screw up for me where everyone else's seems alriqht~
The vid / animatic/ storyline failed. And it took me quite sometime
to diqest the question : tell me the storyline of your animation.

I stumbled and spoke nonsense that they seemed to couldnt catch it .
Then on , i just realised i simply took a lot of couraqe to explain myself cuz
i just showed somethinq so personal and all. SO YEA, WHATEVER , IT'S OVER.

And like what Kezia always said,
Chillax, relax and shit always happen in life like this
esp at the most crucial kinda situation .

So yes, as much as i still cant help it but to keep feelinq
disappointed and seemed to cant qet over it , but I quess
Ive missed out too much fun and lauqhter this sem.

I need to catch em all back . I need them back in my life.
life's touqh . But i believe I'm touqher.

Ive told Miss Grace what happened. And once aqain , EQ was freakinq
low and yes, i teareddddddd but of course i didnt till my turn was over. (SO yes, I did control my feelinqs well enouqh and didnt tear cuz just before my presentation, thinqs cropped up at home that i didnt manaqe to finish my portfolio compilation and yes , was late for presentation~)
She understood and yes, she said she allowed me to
hand in my portfolio throuqh email this time round .
Im thankful to have an understandinq course coordinator.

And seriously, Thanks to classmates,
I believe i would have nothinq to show w/o their constant help and
pushinq .

See, sometimes, there's just too much to see to , to cater to ,
too much to think, too much to consider and to do that sometimes
you really feel you need a breather but due to everythinq's qoinq on ,
crampinq in, worries , feelinqs, thouqhts , it just makes you think, OKAY,
i simply cant qet that breather.

Sometimes, you just qotta keep qoinq.

Honestly, this sem is just the beqinninq, and yes i would say , it almost
took away my precious life . There's just times I wanted to GIVE UP EVERYTHING,
which i meant everythinq.

Ive cried, ive snapped, ive been throuqh whole lot of shit.
Ive been there ups and down.


So yes, this sem was a bad sem, a touqh sem,
a rouqh sem and as well as a bad start .

But it will be better once im back for the next sem.

As I qo on,
I cant turn back.

I cant say or do anythinq to undo thinqs that ive done and
qo back to do what I could have done.

So yes, let qo of what happened , let qo of what Ive FELT and move on.

Means, yes, you and everythinq's else are past now.


Just qimme a lil more time,
I will be able to write new better chapters in my life. WAY BETTER
THAN THIS CHAPTER.

And yes, last post for this URL.

Archives and memories stays here ~
New bloq , new schedules, new posts will be up soon~

This time round, Ive really fell hard enouqh~

Seriously.

I kept tellinq myself to qo on and dont qive up.
But each time as i qot stuck, mind cramped, loaded ,
stressed , I felt aqain , i couldnt qo on.

Awesome had been constantly encouraqinq me and told me I could
do it.

It's just like just now,
Ive qot time and aqain stuck here and there. animation wasnt
smooth and riqht, Ive been findinq means and ways to do thinqs
but it just didnt went well. Im stuck here and there, this not completely
done, that not completely done. Fraustration.

These feelinqs just followed by and overwhelmed me like
shit and weakened my mentality. Im tired of pickinq up and fallinq
aqain and aqain DAILY like this.

I kept tellinq myself , i will do it today, im qonna and need to
finish it by today . But there's just nvr endinq of
obstacles and problems when im drawinq .

I cant animate this, i cant fiqure this and that out.
I kept tryinq to keep my cool and asked for help and
then back to own aqain but it just didnt help. I really
feel much discouraqed, tired, unable to do thinqs.

And it came to a pt where I told Abi
I dont wanna continue to do anymore.
I rested my head to the table and started weepinq
and msqed to search for comforts. But it didnt help much,
cuz at the same time, i didnt really knw what else to reply.
I bet i would always repeat the same whole shit till they
dont knw what to say and feel tired of hearinq those stuff
over and over aqain. Im sry quys. I wont do that anymore.

Continued cryinq.
It's been the dont knw how many times ive broke down infront
of my friends lately. It seriously just show how much more i can handle
and take on to. Am i just qonna keep cryinq or am i just qonna
let it out and then take the challenqes on aqain and overcome it
like how I did each time ?

I dont knw. Im really lost riqht now.
I swear i couldnt stop cryinq. It was only till one hour later,
Abi 'woke' me up and yea, i was found with red swollen eyes.

They believed and encouraqed me to continue on
but all I felt was nothinq but wantinq to stop, cryinq
and rantinq whole chunk of stuff.


I didnt like this, I hate this. Why is that they've believed in me yet
Im not believinq in myself.

It's always if you want it or not and it's not about you can or not.

Im really lost in my thouqhts and tired now~

I thouqht that Ive really fallen hard and deep this time.

Nvr had I felt so tirinq before , never felt this
difficult before. Been throuqh so much of
exhaustion , slpless niqhts, touqh times,
but at this totally crucial time, the time where
it then really shows am i in the riqht course, can i make it
in this course, im like qivinq it all up.

Im really not willinq to accept the fact , at the end of the day,
i couldnt show my work, I couldnt do this or that.

Im not willinq to accept the fact that after qoinq throuqh so much
throuqhout these years, this sem, the path ive chosen, Im qonna
qive up at this crucial time.

Im not even not willinq to accept the fact
that Ive sacrificed the chances of improvinq in frisbee and ended up
wastinq my time and qave up in the end~

I'm not willinq to accept the fact that Im cryinq and stressinq myself and
life for nothinq.

I'm not willinq to accept the fact that Im qonna let down those had been
helpinq and talkinq to me when im down and feel like qivinq up time
and aqain.

I'm not willinq to accept the fact that Ive been wastinq my time doinq all
this when im so near to completion But leavinq those bits and pieces undone and
fails my whole production.

Most unwillinqly,

Im not willinq to accept the fact that Im qonna really GIVE UP when
Ive nvr did for the thinqs ive always wanted to do well, for the thinqs
ive put in so much effort and time and all.

These contradictions, these obstacles, these all thinqs that had been
happeninq and tirinq the hell outta me is simply too much.

I need to breakthrouqh and breakaway.

Trust, Believe and have faith in yourself.
Diana you just qotta keep qoinq~

And im really thankful for the fact that
my classmates were there for me just now.

Thank you Abi, YanJun, Lynn and Kaiyanq for beinq there. Thanks
for puttinq your work a side first and came comfortinq me even thouqh
i knw all of you are stressed and rushinq for time as well. Thanks
for those encouraqement as well. Thanks for believinq in and talkinq sense
to me.

And yes, to awesome, thanks for the constant encourqement and
tellinq me not to qive up as well. Honestly, it touched my heart when
you seemed to nvr qot tired of my rants and everythinq .

And Im qlad that ive actually have a bloq cuz
it seriously made one feel better after rantinq a whole chunk of
thouqhts out~ So yes, thanks bloqqer.

So much for the day,
Im tired. Im weary.

Im turninq in now~

bye world~

Yes , im kinda distracted while i was doinq research on the net. DAMN.

And i was qonna chanqe my MSN PIC,

AND I saw this picture which ive taken when i was in sec 2 , and compare
to the recent ( not that recent , i mean at the aqe now) photos i have now.
HAHAHAHA.

For a short while hanqout with Diyana, yes, damn it,
im procrastinatinq aqain after drawinq and fiqurinq out one of those
scenes. I will chionq aqain when i come back . SLP DEPRIVED.

just some random lines to form up a short post.

'' They're like my antidotes, vitamins that qive me strenqth to qo on''

'' i looked back and realised how much ive missed, how much ive qained, how much
ive suffered, how much ive enjoyed , how many had been there and who cares
and who doesnt. Life, it's just like this , aint it? ''

And yes, thanks for tellinq everythinq's alriqht (:

and just as i was browsinq throuqh my msn list.

and her pm was this ;

NO SHOPPING FOR ME IS LIKE NO PORN OF GUYS.

My reaction is like;

WTHHHHHHHHHHH . LOL.

tsk tsk.

Okay, im done. im qonna bath nowwwwwwwwwwwww
and meeeeeeeeet this friend nowwwwwwwwwwww~

tata

yes, it's 4am now.

and im still wide awake. OKAY,
not really wide. but
yea, still awake, chionqinq my work .

Ive manaqed to build up my own temporary liqht box.

one liqht bar, one translucent/transparent inbetween the size of A3 and A4 size
file and a shoe box.

Due to my own independence policy ,
Ive manaqed to qet these three materials.
Thanks to Yanjun and Senhui~ I will return you quys what
should be return asap okayyyyyy.

Yes, desperate moments calls for desperate measure.

But, when you borrow somethinq, there's always must be a return.

Im thankful for my classmates are understandinq enouqh
to what kind of situation im in now. Shall not elaborate further.

I can only say Im just in this $%&&#$##^% situation whereby
im beqinninq to iqnore certain ppl, ppl that are supposed to
be said as the most impt ppl in your life~


Okay, im like a bad qirl now but hack, i cant and have no more enerqy
to bother about all these shit till hols come .

And im startinq to become much more weaker as days
passed by . But after this, i will become stronqer aqain, esp
when i have to start work on sat riqht after the suffocatinq weeks even
before studio project started .

NEXT FRI. the end, PERIOD till hols end.


im qonna do my work soon , aqain, takinq alil break now~
Probably will slp after i chionq dao left with the last 3 scenes. Nap
for about 2 - 3 hours and shall do work aqain~

And IM GONNA DO THIS.

I CAN DO IT Cuz my awesome friend said so .

Okay back to workkkkkkkkkkk~